Mommyhood

I think I am going a little crazy and I am just going to put it out there. Being a mom is so freakin hard. I thought I had a hard stressful job but there is a part of me that just longs to be able to go back to work. And yet my "mommy" job is not stressful at all. It is just NEVER ENDING. I dont get lunch breaks. I cannot shut my office door and turn off the phone to get work done. I dont have the weekends off. And when I am tired from a long days work, I dont get to turn in early and catch up on some much needed sleep.
Having a preemie during cold and flu season has not made things easier. I have to keep Ryland away from people and especially from little kids. So that means during the day, the only people who are home are stay at home moms, but I cannot hang out with them because they have kids and the women who do not have kids are away at work. And then at night, when I can get out of the house without Ryland, all of my non-mom friends are too tired to hang out from working all day. It is amazing to me how every day I can love something so much and dislike something so much. I didnt know being a mom was so amazing and so lonely.
That is the one word that sums up so much of what I am feeling right now, very alone. I dont have many friends that are moms and the few I do went back to work which is incredibly ironic because I use to watch a few of them stay at home with their kids all day and wonder how they do it but knew that once I did at least I would have some good company.
Complain complain complain. I know that is all I am doing while having a job that many women long for. I am just trying to find MY place in this new life.