I Hate My Job

I have been very depressed and trying to work through this major transition of life back into what I use to know as comfort here in Arizona. I hated what I was doing in Arizona two years ago. So to remedy the situation, I let God break my will and my desires and decided it was finally time to seek out what He had intended for me. He was so incredibly faithful to me during this struggle. For any of you who know what my time at the Hyatt was like, you know how faithful He was to get me out of that situation. He led me clearly and directly to minister to people in the form of counseling. I loved the school process I loved even more, my internship. Coming back here, I was nervous to leave behind my place of employment in Colorado because it was such a good fit for me. Working in a secular environment, loving on people (children) the way God loved on the sinners and tax collectors. These people were letting me into their lives, in the process letting God in through me. I was criticized and condemned by people and to be honest, I was only criticized and condemned by Christians. It was expressed to me that my place should not be in a secular environment but a Christian environment. Where I could love on people and express God's love to them open and publicly. So I guess in their eyes, God's name has to be proclaimed in order for it to be a true ministry. I felt...... it is hard to put into words what I felt. I felt - squashed, destroyed...incomplete? I have left that behind and pressed on, knowing my place was with the sinners and lost. There is only one person I have to justify this decision to and I dont feel like He is asking for any justification for this decision. So with that said, I think I have found a great fit for me out here. I have been offered a job at Superstition Mountain Mental Health Center. I think I am going to call them on Monday to except the job where I will be working in the Intensive Child Treatment Program. Yep, I know - my last blog put me at a job with New Arizona Family. Not quite a good fit. The substance abuse population is a hard one and I really enjoy working with families and children. This process of being ok with being a secular counselor is what I spent probably the last year in Colorado coming to terms with and I just wanted to share a brief glimpse of that with everyone. To be open and honest, the majority of the church's response and many of my fellow Christian students hurt. It hurt a lot. But I feel comfortable in these clothes. I feel called to wear these clothes for now.